From Darkness to Canvas: A Journey of Resilience and Self-Discovery Through Art

I remember watching my studio mate, Louise, sharing the background stories of each painting with the people who visited on our open studio day. It was fascinating to see how the artists remembered every detail of why they created the pieces and what meant a lot to them.

"If anyone were to ask me why I painted these, I would probably say, 'I don't know, I was just feeling depressed,'" I joked, but it was only half the truth.

I have experienced several bouts of depression in my life, and each time, I somehow managed to pull myself out of the darkness after struggling with it for an extended period. However, the most recent episode was particularly severe; the harder I tried to overcome it, the more trapped I felt. There was a period when I was completely paralyzed, unable to do anything. The only activity that brought me any sense of calm was mixing colours. Long story short, last year, I rented a studio space primarily to have a separate workspace and a reason to get out of my flat. But, unexpectedly, I ended up rediscovering my passion for painting, something I hadn't pursued since graduating from university over a decade ago.

While I haven't achieved significant material success through painting, I am grateful that I accidentally turned one of my dreams into reality—working in a bright studio where I can see Arthur's seat from the windows, and once again, even if temporarily, pulling myself out of the darkness.

As a problem solver, I excel at spotting issues and seeking solutions. Sometimes, I can even think three steps ahead, planning backups if the initial plan doesn't work out. However, there are still many aspects of myself that I don't know how to fix, many things I'm not sure are fixable.

'If you can't fix it, feature it.'

This is probably me highlighting the pains and attempting to transform them into something that isn't too difficult to confront. If the process of digesting the hardships can evolve into something beautiful, I can at least tell myself it's all worth it.